Dangers & Annoyances

I decided to add this most attractive picture of me in the Cave of Hercules because it best portrays our reactions to some of Morocco's "Dangers & Annoyances" as the guide book labels them. As wonderful as Morocco is, traveling around can lead to some things that are - um - frustrating. And to be honest, I feel I need to report them so you don't think we just merrily sail from city to city.

1. Driving - many pedestrians seem oblivious to the fact that cars actually drive on roads - fast - so they often step out into the street without looking. Add this to the occasional mule cart, crawling lumber truck, crazy Mercedes driver who thinks he owns the road, hyperactive cop, the many bicycles and people waking and all those who never had driver's ed classes - and, well - you aren't really ever tempted to fall asleep.

2. Navigating - this was primarily my job by default. The problem is, many streets in Morocco are unnamed and almost all are unlabeled. Signs may start you in the right direction, but like a hopeful mirage, they fade away when you get nearer the destination you long for. This, my friends, is not the Midwest. There when you make a wrong turn, you can always find your way back. Gerald's famous line is, "Well, this road should loop around . . . " but it doesn't - it merely leads you on yet another rabbit chase until our north, south, east and west Kansas brains are so messed up, we can only hope we are still in the right city (and once we weren't).

3. Directions - So the next logical step is to ask for directions. If the man doesn't know, he makes something up - usually in the form of a general wave encouraging you to continue along the same road that got you into the mess in the first place. It would be shameful to say he doesn't know. If he does know, he'll rattle something off in French, Spanish or Arabic while we stare at him with glazed eyes. "Wakha" (OK) we chant, and off we go attempting to understand then follow the directions.

4. Tips - Apparently everyone in Morocco deserves a tip. Parked your car? Tip the attendant. Someone showed you the way? Tip the kid. Took a picture? Tip the subject. Chances are, it won't be enough and you'll have to haggle a bit defining the exact worth of the service given. After a while, you find yourself simply throwing money out the window as you drive past hopeful tip-receivers.

5. Language - Hotels, directions, questions, restaurants, everything - in another language, which we can only hope to have learned by our 90th birthdays - sometimes leaves us exhausted at the end of the day.

6. Bargaining - most of our purchases were bargain-worthy. Price tags? Ha! So off you go, back and forth, back and forth until both parties are satisfied - or, usually, until the store keeper is satisfied and we wonder. Once I bargained the price up, but thankfully the shopkeeper was kind enough to tell me I was going up, not down.

Gerald is the both the pro and the sucker in this department. He accidentally bought several things with his excellent techniques. As the storekeepers called out the "best price" of his items, Gerald threw out a price insultingly low as he walked on by. But the most intelligent storekeepers engaged Gerald (who secretly likes bargaining) in a bargain war and ended up coming almost all the way down to Gerald's price which meant he had to buy the items. So two leather purses, a marble dove and a tortoise shell mini-guitar later . . . Gerald walked away. He was quite proud of himself for the rock-bottom prices he got, but as Troy so helpfully reminded him - Gerald didn't want any of those things in the first place - so was he really that successful? After a few incidents like this, we finally forbade Gerald to even walk by, look at or smile at anyone selling anything.

7. Drugs - the north of Morocco is known for its drugs. As Gerald was being led through the streets of one town towards our hotel, three people asked him if he wanted a smoke. When he came later with us, no one asked. I bet we were too intimidating.

8. "Buy this!" "Eat here!" - If you don't know exactly what you want in a Moroccan tourist town, watch out. Little boys selling peanuts come into the cafe in which you are painfully extracting your fish from its bones, restaurant owners call out to you and act deeply offended when you pass by, beggars ask for money, fake tour guides ask to show you the way . . .

9. "Necessities" - We silly foreigners seem to think that bathrooms generally need electricity, water, soap, toilet paper and something to dry your hands with. We generally find bathrooms with the first two, but chances are very, very slim to find all the remaining three. The girls actually get unhealthily excited when we find all five things. Notice I did not mention cleanliness as a requirement.

And so now, you have a more balanced picture of Morocco. These problems are generally not issues in our daily lives, but they definitely make travel more exciting!

So, when are you coming to visit???